Z

Z is for "Zebras"
which we've quite often hunted
on request of new residents
'til their ardor is blunted.

Y

"Y" is for Yankauer
a tool without flaw,
and the one thing we'd want
to stick into your maw.

X

"X" is for Xerox,
our favorite play,
when we copy your chart
to make you go away.

W

"W" is for Who? What? and
When? Where? and Why?
But it can't quite encompass
why you thought you could fly.

V

"V"'s for Vag Valley
and the pelvic beds' curse
where we feel for the patients
But so glad we're the nurse.

U

"Universal Precautions"
has become rather moot.
On reflection we'd prefer
to don a spacesuit.

T

"T" is for Triage
where we're s'posed to sort.
If we really did that we'd
push most out the port.

S

"S" is for Sandwich
which we're out of, of course.
Did we mention the hospital
makes them from horse?

R

"R" is for "Racissssssssst!"
a favorite card.
But we know when you play it
that you're merely a 'tard.

Q

"Q" is for Q----;
to pronounce I refuse.
So blame some other culprit
when all Hell breaks loose.

P

"P" is for Parenting,
detailed in books.
Tons of instruction
if only they'd look!

O

"O" is for Ovaries
where everyone starts.
But the pains make some wish
they were swapable parts.

N

"N" is for Nurse,
though that's not quite right.
But "slave" is illegal;
"superhero" requires tights.

M

"M" is for Meditech,
a foul piece of dung.
If you wrote it and we catch you
you're going to be hung.

L

"L" is for Lunch which
we're supposed to get.
Though in twenty years that
hasn't happened quite yet.

K

"K" is for Killing Us
in rooms and halls
with endless ridiculous
requests, Mr. Smalls.

J

"J"'s for the Jokes we tell
where you can't hear,
else Press-Ganey would skewer
us on their dull spear.

I

"I" is for Idiots,
For us, job security.
For those whom the shoe fits:
just a dearth of maturity.

H

"H" is for History
which we ask at the door.
But we needn't have bothered
since yours is so poor.

G

"G"'s for GI bleed
which we hate a bunch.
But it's great for our diets
and helps us skip lunch.