Shepherd Of The Gurneys: The Waiting Room Channel

Saturday, September 10, 2016

The Waiting Room Channel - PSA #1

Hi there, and welcome to The Waiting Room Channel.
Are you here for abdominal pain?
If so, then NO, YOU CAN'T EAT OR DRINK ANYTHING.
You can come here for our world famous turkey sandwiches, or you can come here for treatment of your abdominal pain, but not both.
Did you bring your child here for abdominal pain?
If so, then NO, HE CAN'T HAVE THE BAG OF FLAMING HOT CHEETOS, UNLESS YOU WANT THE DELUXE "Discharged by MD from Waiting Room" TREATMENT PLAN.

This is because your abdominal pain could be caused by something that requires surgery. If you eat, you can't get anesthesia for 6-8 additional hours, during which time your potential surgical emergency could kill or seriously afflict you. Which our Risk Management Department, and your insurance company (unless you have ObamaCare) really frowns upon.

And if the abdominal pain is accompanied by nausea/vomiting/diarrhea, we really don't think it's in your best interest (or ours) to load the catapult for the next launch.

But if you'd really like to come here and throw up anyways, could you please do it in one of the boxes pre-addressed to Press-Ganey, so we can ship it right out to them?

Thanks boxloads.

This message repeats in Spanish in 10 seconds.

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HIPPA

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