Monday, June 28, 2021

In Vino Veritas


When we get new patients in the E.D., there are a host of questions asked, most appropriate, but a certain non-negotiable number we have to ask, which have no wild bearing on anything related to why you came in tonight, because some Good Idea Fairy has decided that Problem X is this year's Important Thing.

This year's focus, it has been decreed, is suicide, and thoughts of self-harm.

How braindead stupidly are we following that rule? Every patient. Every complaint. 

Sprained wrist. Ingrown toenail. Yes, even toddlers.

What made my night last night, was when one of the 17 drunks and ODs a night came in, and dutiful nurse receiving the patient is going through his list of things to know, and mines this gem:

"So, have you ever felt like killing yourself, or have you ever had any thing that made you feel like you wanted to harm yourself?"

Whereupon, Patient Jack Daniels replies, "Well, I was married once..."

The paramedics cracked up. It was all I could do to not fall out of my chair laughing.

Thursday, June 17, 2021


Just as GSW for "gun shot wound" and SOB for "shortness of breath" are standard abbreviations in the medical field, FDGB needs to become accepted medical terminology.

It's short for "Fall down; go Boom!"

That's as precise as necessary, and describes a frequent medical situation, both pre-hospital, and in-hospital. It eliminates unverified guessing on anyone's part about what the cause was, requiring proper medical diagnostic measures be taken, which improves patient care, and accuracy of condition prior to definitive diagnosis, so it's not just whimsical (however cute and funny it is). I didn't just make this up. I've been using it for 30 years, and sharing it far and wide, and lest you think this is just me, it's even in The Urban Dictionary.

So it's really a thing, and you owe it to yourself, your patients, your colleagues, and generations of medical professionals yet to come, to do your part, by making this an accepted medical abbreviation, and using it every chance you get. Learn it, live it, love it.

Tuesday, December 29, 2020

New Policy Suggestion


Staff response: 100% Thumbs Up! Morale boost!

HR and Pharmacy: We Are Not Amused

Admin: We're Keeping Both Eyes On You

)Le sigh(.