I know, with the 24 hour newscycle, and the endless rotation of stories that suit the agenda of Damning The Things The Liberal Media Hates intersects so nicely with Ratings, Ratings, Ratings Until Our Heads Explode, that lately certain stories pound you on the head until you think you have to opine.
of Having An Opinion: Make sure it's an informed opinion. Take
it to the library and read to it, maybe get it a cable subscription and learn a
thing or two, before you turn it loose in the city unaccompanied. Sort of
precisely like you'd do with those other supergeniuses of Western civilization,
your teenaged offspring. Until that point, resist the urge to prematurely
And I know that some people mistake having earned
certain letters after their name with The Right To Think For All Those Great
Unwashed Stoopid People Over There.
whether you're a doctor, nurse, professor, butcher, baker, or candlestickmaker,
I would counsel that before you let your mouth, or your fingers, run away with
you, you steadfastly avoid plopping out opinions that, much like your smelly
socks, ought to be kept to yourself on Some Weighty Topic. Because usually, they
just stink, and you embarrass yourself.
"I'm a really
bitchin trauma nurse who's seen too many shooting victims, and if only people
had to see what I saw, they'd set the Constitution on fire and melt all the guns
down for scrap, just like I want to do. But they haven't, so they're not as
smart as me. You don't need any gun I don't like for anything that isn't
When you spew that much
non-sequitr magical thinking childish psychotic nonsense out in one breath, you
aren't speaking as a nurse (or a doctor, professor, etc., etc.). You're speaking
purely as as a fucktard jackhole, and you've just wasted the few brain cells
that your body hoarded all those years to maintain a pulse and respirations, and
shot them right out of your ass. In front of the entire Internet,
Unless you think that once someone had seen enough
diabetic patients, they should be allowed to discuss banning Twinkies and Ding
And that once someone had
seen enough rape patients they should be able to demand all men surrender their
Or that after seeing enough
drunks, we should re-enact Prohibition, or that enough MVA patients would
justify banning all cars. Because, really, who
NEEDS anything faster than a skateboard, unless
you're a criminal, you frightened stupid babykilling kitten-stomping loser??
the level of retarded jackassical thinking we train 3 year olds out of, and
which we document as proof of psychosis in crazy people.
bug you, there's a far simpler solution: don't buy any. By no strange
coincidence, that approach is also entirely legal under the Constitution. You
can even tell your friends that in the realm of being a victim, you've elected
to surrender, rather than risk being able to defend yourself against someone
younger, bigger, stronger, and meaner. And to make sure all your family members
are equally helpless, including children and infants. So if you don't have the
moral resolve to announce what a cowardly jackass you are, don't try to ascend
the mountain of your own imaginary moral superiority, and tell everyone else to
follow your example, or worse, declare fiat ex cathedra that you'll
just do all their thinking for them, based on your superior global
"Medical misadventure" and pharmaceutical mistakes by
doctors and nurses kill 10 times more people annually than all 300,000,000 guns
in this country, going back to probably Jamestown Colony. Shouldn't we ban
doctors and nurses then, because really, who needs a doctor
more than once a year? And why should doctors be allowed to see more than 15
patients a week? Only a criminal would want to give them access to more
I'm sorry you were sick the
day they covered logic in school every year from about 10th grade to your Ph.D.,
but it doesn't work like that.
monumental jackassery is exactly the reason the Founding Fathers of this
republic made sure that the closest you came to directly voting for anyone was to
elect a bare 1 congressperson, thus ensuring that at any one given time, almost
49% of the brilliant "people" would be soundly ignored in each district, and up
to 49% of the congress would be ignored in the capitol, on every issue, on every
vote, forever. And they saw this limit on your would-be dictatorship as a
feature, not a bug.
So next time you great a great idea, and you want to
hear it echo because of its pure brilliance, go to the local big box hardware
store, buy a galvanized bucket, put it over your head, then launch into your
tirade, and drown out the sound of the rest of us with the cacophony of your own
Both you and we will be properly ecstatic at the
results that step will guarantee on future results.
edited and paraphrased so that you'll never find out the actual identity of the
intarwebxz Soopergeneyus who plopped that nugget out, while carefully
paraphrasing every thought so that you, gentle reader, got the full impact of the
author's self-evident rhetorical brilliance.